Every day, the staff at The Children's Hospital in Denver receives calls from parents about challenges they face in rearing their children. This page offers you suggestions for some of those challenges.
How Can I Stop My Child's Whining?
How Can I Encourage My Son To Do His Homework?
Help Me Deal With My Daughter's Dawdling!
What about Bedwetting?
How Can I Stop My Child's Whining?
You pass a child's room, and a whining, complaining voice says, "I don't want to clean my room." Have you ever heard a whining, moaning voice say something like, "Can I stay up an extra hour tonight?" The procedures used to stop whining are fairly easy for the child, but require some changes in the parent's behavior. If you are willing to try, you should have no problem eliminating whining. A child will never stop whining if whining is the only way to be heard. Tips to prevent whining from recurring:
Step 1: Explain to your child each time he or she whines that talking in a whining voice is very unpleasant to you. We all find it easier to comply with other people's requests if we understand the reasons for them.
Step 2: Demonstrate a better way to say what the child is trying to get across. After you have explained to your child how whining makes you feel, demonstrate a better way to talk. There are two aspects to this: the particular words said, and the tone of voice.
Step 3: Ask your child to say what he or she wants in this better way, and have your child perform it. Your goal is not to have your child stop talking to you, but to have him or her learn to talk in a more pleasant manner. So you must let the child practice a more appropriate way of talking.
Step 4: Reward your child for a better performance. This will increase the chances that your child will continue to talk in a more pleasant manner, although this is unlikely to occur after just one successful attempt. A reward can be granting a request or a simple "thank you."
How Can I Encourage My Son To Do His Homework?
Your child must have a place to study. It doesn't have to be fancy and it doesn't have to be a separate room. Ideally, of course, study space should make it convenient to study. Consider:
Physical requirements (adequate light, a place to write, supplies such as pencils, etc.);
Privacy requirements (screened from sight of other locations or people or activities and shielded from sounds of other activities).
Decide on a time schedule. There are three elements to a time schedule: what time of day your child will study, what days your child will study, and how long your child will study.
Provide motivation for success. With a young student, a special but small privilege or treat should be given for "success." At the start of each week, this should be decided on with the student. The parent and child are the best judges of what is appropriate. With an older student with poor homework habits, also select as a reward some highly preferred activity or time.
Successes should be praised and long-term improvement appreciated.
Help Me Deal With My Daughter's Dawdling!
Have you ever wondered how anybody could take so long to get ready for bed? Suddenly, a thousand small tasks arise, as if by magic. Shoes come off as if in slow motion, and ten minutes of other activity intervene between the left one and the right one. Children dawdle for one or more of the following reasons: 1) dawdling gets attention from adults; 2) children avoid having to do something unpleasant by dawdling; 3) the consequences of doing the job promptly or slowly are identical.
Some things to keep in mind:
Make sure that the problem is really with your child. It is very easy for an adult to become impatient and to want things done at once when in fact there is no necessity for speed, and possibly not enough time to get things done. If dawdling when getting ready for school causes lateness, more speed is necessary. However, if the child would get ready on time even at his or her own slow pace there is no necessity for speed.
Don't remind, nag, bug, prompt, or suggest more than once or twice.
Do not let dawdling be a way to avoid unpleasant tasks. Don't provide help unless you are sure your child cannot do the task himself.
Try to arrange it so "good" things follow doing the task at which the child dawdles. Dinner can be arranged to follow garbage emptying. You can always thank, praise, or compliment.
Never criticize, punish or embarrass your child for bedwetting. Tell your child that it is time to learn how to stay dry at night, and that you will help. Make it clear that it may take a while, but you are sure your child can do it. Stress that you will show the child how to learn to stay dry. Ignore failures, praise successes, and have patience.
Some simple tips:
Liquids: No matter what approach you use to correct bedwetting, you should not restrict the child's intake of liquids. As a matter of fact, you should do just the opposite. Retaining urine enlarges the bladder, and a child with a large bladder will be better able to retain liquids than a child with a small bladder.
Rewards: Decide upon rewards. These do not have to be the same every time. A small glass of juice, a cookie, candy, letting the child play with some favorite toy—any small thing will do. However, prepare some rewards in advance.
Praise: Praise and compliment your child. When the child comes and tells you that he or she has to "go" instead of just going without telling you, give praise.
This
information was reprinted from
The Good Kid Book: How to Solve the 16 Most Common Behavior Problems
by Howard N. Sloane, 1988
Research Press, 2612 N. Mattis Ave., Champaign, IL 61826
www.researchpress.com
1-800-519-2707
Reproduced by permission.